KO 2 Carkhuff Ch.4

Thoughts on these answers?

1.     What does Carkhuff mean by “We are all losers!” vis a vis attending?-

He means non-attending is self-defeating.  When we don't attend, we communicate that others don't matter and we also fail to learn what they have to offer.

2.     In its broadest sense attending simply means paying attention.

3.     The function of attending for the helper is learning.

4.     According to Carkhuff there are only 3 relationship behavior choices.  What are they?

Fight, Flight, or Relate.

5.     The function of attending for the helpee is involvement.

6.     Be able to list and briefly define the 4 attending skills?

Preparing for attending, attending personally, observing and listening.

7.     List the 3 sub-categories of the first attending skill.

Prepare the context, the helpers, helpee.

8.     Generally speaking what does preparing for attending involve? (Know the 3 categories and what they mean.)

Preparing the helpee- (encourage, inform, engage)

Preparing the context- (neat and orderly, familiar, facilitative context)

Preparing the helper- (relaxing our minds and bodies, reviewing our goals and info)

9.     What are Carkhuff’s 3 summary points of preparing the context (see the elliptical window on p. 62).

Neat and Orderly, Familiar, Facilitative

10.  Attending personally involves proximity and __posturing to give full an undivided attention.

11.  What are the 3 specific helper behaviors of attending personally?

Squaring, leaning, eye contact.

12.  How does Carkhuff define observing (skills), i.e., observing skills involve the helper’s ability to see and understand what 2 helpee factors?

Appearance and behavior.

13.  According to Carkhuff what is the richest source of data concerning helpee feelings?

Facial Expressions

14.  What does Carkhuff mean by incongruence and what does it indicate?

Appearance is not the same as words. It means someone is really in trouble.

15.  What is the overall richest source of helper empathy?

Verbal expressions.

16.  List the 5 components of listening.  (Carkhuff call these methods for developing listening skills.)

1. Have reason to listen,
2. Suspend judgment.
3. Focus on content of helpee.
4. Recall expressions.
5. Recall themes.

17.  What is Carkhuff’s reason for listening?

The goal of helping- to gain information.

18.  What does Carkhuff mean by suspending judgment?

to suspend our "inner dialogue"- to hear speakers statements without making judgments, as well as suspending values and attitudes towards the subject.

19.  Which component of listening is the most important and how is it achieved?

Focus on the helpee- quiet without distractions

20.  Define “content.”  Include an explanation of 5WH.

Details of the helpee’s experience- who what when where why how

21.  According to Carkhuff, why do people resist listening?

Carkhuff identifies several possible reasons why people resist listening: 1) we are conditioned not to listen or hear, 2) we distort the messages we do hear for fear of their meaning/implications, 3) we fear intimacy, and 4) we are distracted (possibly because we do not want to listen in the first place).